Saintly Storyteller Gifts

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"You think it's tough down there?"

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"Tell me the story about Jonah and the big fish again, Dad."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Dad. I have a stow-a-way to report!'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'You should have thought about your allergies before you built the ark.'

"Sorry, this is in Hebrew, and I only read Hieroglyphics!"

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

"Huh, Pharaoh let them go after the tenth plague. And here I was all set to send a coronavirus! Guess I'll just have to save it for later."

"King Herod sent us."

"Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."