Santa Storyteller Gifts

'Well, Santa may live at the North Pole, but these labels say his workshop is in China.'

' Remember Santa knows when you've been good or bad!'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"You think it's tough down there?"

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

"This is my favorite area. Every one here has been the subject of a hagiography."

'What did Cane say to his brother?'

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

"Old Testament prop comic."

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

'...Santa delivers to Yorkshire first...everybody else has to wait because they're not as good.'

"I don't think he believes I've been a good little boy. He told me to go home and go to my room."

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

'I'm afraid our records show that you still have two DVD's checked out.'

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

"...and while you're at it, pick yourself up a pair of nose-hair clippers."

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!