Santa Story Lover Gifts

"...and while you're at it, pick yourself up a pair of nose-hair clippers."

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

William Tell

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

Fairy tale

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"