Santa Story Lover Gifts

"...and while you're at it, pick yourself up a pair of nose-hair clippers."

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

William Tell

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Fairy tale

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

The princess and the key

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'