Saintly Health Buff Gifts

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

A doctor calls a body builder to perform a patella tap test on a large patient.

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

Hospital Cleaning.

Zika Mosquitos

'I'm just draining the reservoir.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

'It's some sort of side effect of swine flu!'

'Gasp! Wheez! Nobody told me that once you have a heart you also need cardio!'

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

Vaccinating the Easter Bunny

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

DHSC considering as-yet unlicensed flu vaccines to boost supply

This guy smells like he just got the Covid vaccine. Do you think it's safe to bite him?

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

"I'm looking over your results, Mr. Dumpty...and your cholesterol is dangerously high!"

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'