Sarky Health Buff Gifts

'Triple burger with fries, would you like the complimentary angiogram with that?'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

"How long were you in that headstand?"

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

A doctor calls a body builder to perform a patella tap test on a large patient.

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."

Zika Mosquitos

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Your diet is so bad that your arteries are all blocked, but the angioplasty should open things up and get the maple syrup flowing again.'

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

'Gasp! Wheez! Nobody told me that once you have a heart you also need cardio!'

'It's some sort of side effect of swine flu!'

This guy smells like he just got the Covid vaccine. Do you think it's safe to bite him?

"I'm looking over your results, Mr. Dumpty...and your cholesterol is dangerously high!"

Vaccinating the Easter Bunny

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

I feel fine! Ready to go home!

Gym. Stay young through diet and exercise. I find it much easier to just lie about my age.

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'

"I'm still thirsty. Maybe I've got leaky gut syndrome."