Safety Officer Humor Gifts

"Chief Setting Sun, meet Chief Running With Scissors."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Beware of Everything

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

"When are you going to learn to put your shield up when you're flying at tree top level?"

Projection

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

Stun-gun target practice.

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

'Pull it over, Speedy.'

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

'I baked it especially for you.'

Living life dangerously 2010.

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Athlete

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Security at the Smaller Airports

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"