Safety Officer's Humor Gifts

Field Sobriety Test

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

Beware of Everything

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

Projection

"When are you going to learn to put your shield up when you're flying at tree top level?"

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

'I baked it especially for you.'

Another use for retired sumo wrestlers: Roundabout ahead.

Living life dangerously 2010.

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Athlete

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Security at the Smaller Airports

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).