Safety Inspector Humorist Gifts

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

"Pierre, this is the third time this week you've fallen in."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

Safety Barriers

Fire door.

Beware of Everything

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"When are you going to learn to put your shield up when you're flying at tree top level?"

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Call the health inspector! The kitchen has a Brussels sprouts infestation.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Security at the Smaller Airports

'I baked it especially for you.'

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

Another use for retired sumo wrestlers: Roundabout ahead.

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Athlete

Living life dangerously 2010.

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!