Health Inspector Humorist Gifts

'Call the health inspector! The kitchen has a Brussels sprouts infestation.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Gesundheit!"

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'