Building Inspector Humorist Gifts

What makes you think this room wasn't wired properly?

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

Beware of Everything

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

How to Build a Bungalow

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'I hate the new building inspector. He can smell fear a mile away.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

“It’s a pre-war building, but you’ll see they’ve kept most of the details.”

Under New Mismanagement

'Call the health inspector! The kitchen has a Brussels sprouts infestation.'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"Efficiency tombs available"

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."