Rustic Storyteller Gifts

"I could never vote for somebody who's never had to make his own liquor."

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

Rust in Piece - Second Hand Car Salesman.

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Swan Fairy Tales

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Daughters at Bedtime

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

How I met your mother

My Spam Sketchbook

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Santa's Helpers

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"It doesn't say, Son, whether or not Noah wore a captain's hat."