Rustic Storyteller Pillows

"I could never vote for somebody who's never had to make his own liquor."

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

Rust in Piece - Second Hand Car Salesman.

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Swan Fairy Tales

J. R. R. Tolkien

The Demise of Tinkerbell

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

I wonder what kind of wizard or vampire my husband will be

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Santa's Helpers

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

How I met your mother

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

My Spam Sketchbook

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'