Rustic Romancer Gifts

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

Falstaff

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

Country farmhouse loaf / Inner city highrise loaf.

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

The Near Outback: Lenny and Samantha

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

"Would you like to come in and see my cave drawings?"

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

'We like to welcome new team members with three cheers and a wet towel.'

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

Lockdown had left Nigel desperate for a haircut.

"It takes years before some people are comfortable enough to say hello."

Barn Wedding

'Even if you were an Enron stock... I would place you right at the top on the portfolio of my heart'!

"Done already? Wow!" "Yup, a new record. Just under two years."

The Weekly Poultry Reading was Short-Lived.

"Take this, Luke. They say it's impossible to get a decent baguette west of the Pecos."

"Redwood or oak?"

"I thought Daryl Hannah was promised to King Neptune."

'Gosh, Jane, you're even prettier than that cute little chimpanzee I was out with last week!'

'You travelled 6,000 miles to find Chateau Grande Magnifique? Buddy, you're looking at it.'

"Did the Earth Move For You ?"

"Nothing's wrong with the club I sold you. Maybe you're just not her type."

'Down on the farm!'

'Sure been busy! Good thing it's the slow time of year!'

"I see you're on a date at the moment but perhaps later we could meet for a latte."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

Rust in Piece - Second Hand Car Salesman.

'Are the fish safe to eat?! Heck, yeah! Me and Leon been eatin' 'em for 30 years!'