Rush Hour Diner Gifts

"OK, now the chef suggests you eat faster."

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'The customer is always right...'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

Road Kill Cafe.

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

"Dinner looks delicious."

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

Menu.

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

'I'm sorry, Miss, we don't accept Christmas dinner reservations.'

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."