Routine Diner Gifts

"Soup of the day."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"A votre sante!"

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"The usual."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

'Your tea is getting cold.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"Just a drop."

A train's dining car is a diner.

'You made me jump,'

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."