Unexpected Diner Gifts

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"Dinner looks delicious."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

I recommend the ketchup.