Unexpected Diner Gifts

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"Dinner looks delicious."

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."