Whimsical Diner Regular Gifts

"The usual."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'Yeah we found it, hey Ichabod, remember that jack o' lantern somebody left at table two this morning? Where is it?'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

'It probably wasn't a good idea to ask for seperate cheques.'

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

Pie.,

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

I recommend the ketchup.

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

DINER, 'No more rumcake for you, pal - go on home to your wife and elves.'

"For dessert I'll have milk and cookies."

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

"You were supposed to be IN the soup!"

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."