Impatient Diner Gifts

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"You took your time!" "Better latte than never"

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'Then that's one steak well done and fries, and one anything as long as it's fast.'

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

I recommend the ketchup.

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'You don't need a menu here, mate. If you can't see it on my apron, we don't sell it.'

Theories expounded

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Dinner was taking too long, so I just went ahead and ordered pizza.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"The service here is terrible."

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

"OK, now the chef suggests you eat faster."

'Sorry to keep you waiting.'

'This is a bit awkward, but we'll have the chicken.'

Eat at Joe's Topless Diner.

'Separate cheques?'

"All we know is it happened between the hours of 9 A.M. and 4 P.M."

'Are we indoors or outdoors?'