Fast-paced Diner Gifts

"My favourite food? Frankly, I don't really know. I eat so quickly I hardly taste anything..."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"For drinks or dinner?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

'Thanks for the invite: Don't cook anything fancy, I eat pretty much anything...'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)