Fast-paced Diner T-Shirts

"My favourite food? Frankly, I don't really know. I eat so quickly I hardly taste anything..."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"For drinks or dinner?"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

Road Kill Cafe.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."