Quick Diner T-Shirts

"The food was awful, but we got right in."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Church Basement Foodie

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Regular service or affected?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'The customer is always right...'

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Aperitif?"

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Lunch

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'