Fancy Diner T-Shirts

'Of course I care for you. You're the most expensive woman in my life.'

Coat check and wallet check.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

The wine speaks for itself

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Dog Dressed to Eat

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Regular service or affected?"

"For drinks or dinner?"

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

Peas on Earth.

"Aperitif?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'