High-class Diner T-Shirts

'I think I'll just try a plate of that.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Regular service or affected?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"For drinks or dinner?"

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Aperitif?"

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'You made me jump,'

Lunch

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"Great God Almighty! Somebody please wake me up and tell me I'm only dreaming that the chicken marsala costs a whopping twenty-eight ninety-five!"

'Your tea is getting cold.'

"I think glamour is fine until it slips over into glitz."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'