Luxury Diner T-Shirts

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'This evening's specials include 72-month financing on the filet mignon.'

"I'm frightened. The prices have been heavily redacted."

"And would monsieur like some sparkling maximum profit margin to go with his meal?"

"Can I pay you after I get my tax refund?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Regular service or affected?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"For drinks or dinner?"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

"Linguini for two?"

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'You made me jump,'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"I think glamour is fine until it slips over into glitz."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'