Sophisticated Diner T-Shirts

'It would never work out, Harry -- I'm wine and cheese, and you're beer and pretzels.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Countervailing Clichés.

'How is the water prepared?'

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"For drinks or dinner?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

"The usual."

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

"Fresh pepper?"

Two scottish gentleman debating over having Welsh rabbit

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'