Fancy Diner Pillows

'Of course I care for you. You're the most expensive woman in my life.'

Coat check and wallet check.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

The wine speaks for itself

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

Dog Dressed to Eat

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"Regular service or affected?"

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"For drinks or dinner?"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Peas on Earth.

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"Aperitif?"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

Lunch

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'