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"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

"I insist."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

"If you wanted the no-smoking section, you should have said so."

"You make me want to be a better man, Olivia. Then maybe I could find somebody else."

"Regular service or affected?"

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

"If you order that, you will impress me."

"I'm sending it back. This doesn't taste funny at all."

Lunch

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Aperitif?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"