Family Diner T-Shirts

'Must you say screwpull at the table?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Church Basement Foodie

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Regular service or affected?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'The customer is always right...'

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."