Royal Joker Pillows

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

King vs King- who's the clown?

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'How about a game of cards?'

Get crazy once in a while

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

Well, she certainly is one of our more positive employees!

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

The Royal Wii

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Complaints Desk

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

King Pin

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'Yup, cannon in D.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Toilet humour

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."