Royal Jester Pillows

I deem thee sir...oops!

"Good news, your majesty. We may already be a winner."

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

Jump, then wait. Only when she asks may you grab the Queen by the ankles.

'You want me to buy you a comic, son Which one, Ken Dodd, Jimmy Carr, Les Dennis...?'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

Richard the Turd

Clown Wedding with Rake

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"They're a perfect match – she's high-maintenance, and he can fix anything."

'Wait while I slip on something more comfortable.'

'Rex here, is just like one of the family.'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Excommunicate Me.

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'He's sending 2,400 roses to win her back, and charging it to her credit card.'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

Show Jumping Tantrums

'You told me I should be more affectionate, so I got myself two girlfriends!'