Quirky Joker Pillows

"Honey! Come see how much better I look in this than you do."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Best before 65 million BC.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Pest Control

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

Victorian Gentleman

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

'I just had this sudden urge to stand out in a crowd...'.

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

Tortoise polishing his shell

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"See how it feels"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"I beg to differ."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

The Dancing Academy

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

Adult Absence Notes.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

"Presenting a Few of New York Curiosities"

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."