Quirky Joker Gifts

"Honey! Come see how much better I look in this than you do."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Anna Calvi

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Best before 65 million BC.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Victorian Gentleman

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Pest Control

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

'I just had this sudden urge to stand out in a crowd...'.

"See how it feels"

Tortoise polishing his shell

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"I beg to differ."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Adult Absence Notes.

The Dancing Academy

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'He's always been a bit of an eccentric...'

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

Tom Mullica.