Imaginative Joker Gifts

"See how it feels"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Fittd shēt

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'I'm surprised the boss isn't in here checking up on us!'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'Good book?'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Eucharist

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

Adult Absence Notes.

Skywriter's Block

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

Artist Painting his Television.

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

The Cartoonists

Hiker's right of way.

''IQ'? -- I thought this was a haiku test!'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.