Ironic Joker Gifts

'I've never felt so alive...'

"Wow, the iron maiden, the rack, thumb screws, flogging...can I have a go at all of them?"

Man causing two fake trees to fall down by sitting in a hammock strung between them.

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

I'm writing on the wall - take that society!

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Fittd shēt

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Prisoner still life painting.

"See how it feels"

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'I'm surprised the boss isn't in here checking up on us!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'Good book?'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

Skywriter's Block

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"They seem to be most concerned with what shape it is."

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

The Cartoonists

''IQ'? -- I thought this was a haiku test!'

'This milk smells funny.'

Bat Signal with Blue Ticks

"It's called 'White with a hint of Magnolia"

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."