Nerdy Joker Pillows

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Fittd shēt

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Prisoner still life painting.

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"See how it feels"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Adult Absence Notes.

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

STRIP Hambone: This one's a great little number cruncher!

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

The Principal of Inertia.

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

Valentine Comix

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

'This milk smells funny.'

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'I've never felt so alive...'

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."

'Don't laugh - it paid out more than 18 grand last week.'