Introverted Joker Pillows

Stan tries to have a surprise birthday party for himself.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Note Book

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"See how it feels"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

"I love summer."

"What's the big deal. . . ? - We've been doing that for years anyway. . ."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

I never had a pony, Dr. Kapuchnik. Get over it, Al. Tastes like chicken.

'This milk smells funny.'

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

'Nuff said.

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'I've never felt so alive...'

Man sitting on his own at a costume party dressed as a skunk.

'Boy, you know our lives suck when our cable goes out more than we do.'

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'