Introverted Joker Pillows

Stan tries to have a surprise birthday party for himself.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Note Book

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"See how it feels"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"I love summer."

"What's the big deal. . . ? - We've been doing that for years anyway. . ."

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'This milk smells funny.'

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"A bunch of friends are coming over to stare at their phones."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'I've never felt so alive...'

Man sitting on his own at a costume party dressed as a skunk.

'Boy, you know our lives suck when our cable goes out more than we do.'

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"