Royal Commentator Gifts

"Imagine how much it would have cost him if he'd actually met her."

"It is we."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Reign Man

"Friend or foe?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

The King In The Rain.

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

"Due to the financial state of the kingdom were turning the castle into a Bed & Breakfast & Ransom."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'A whoopee cushion! — I'll bet Karl Rove is behind this somewhere!'

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'Nepotism may not be perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with so far.'

King reaching for an apple

"I told you 'Attila' wasn't a girl's name."

King Charles III's coronation

'But what I'd really like to do is direct.'