Royal Commentator Mugs

"Imagine how much it would have cost him if he'd actually met her."

"It is we."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Reign Man

"Friend or foe?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

The King In The Rain.

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

"Due to the financial state of the kingdom were turning the castle into a Bed & Breakfast & Ransom."

Every time an invading army tries to kill me, I wonder if I should have finished art school instead of going to the family business.

'A whoopee cushion! — I'll bet Karl Rove is behind this somewhere!'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'Nepotism may not be perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with so far.'

King reaching for an apple

King Charles III's coronation

'But what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"I told you 'Attila' wasn't a girl's name."