Royal Humorist Gifts

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Rolling up your sleeves doesn't really make you a man of the people.'

"You've got him. Edward the Accessible at your service."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'You can't cut off his head, Majesty! He belongs to the Jesters Union!'

'I've decided to commute his sentence - just give him a noogie.'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Off with their heads.'

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"All rise."

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

King and clown engage in role reversal.

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'

King reaching for an apple

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

Palanquin Toilet Break