Royal Humorists Gifts

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"All rise."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

King and clown engage in role reversal.

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

King reaching for an apple

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

Palanquin Toilet Break