Royal Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'Oh, he's not totally belligerent -- we're still not at war with Uruguay, Chad, or Sri Lanka.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

Palanquin Toilet Break

Joke of a lover

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

'That's Lady Erica the courtesan's courtesan.'

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'