Royal Humor Gifts

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"That's kingsize?"

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

Palanquin Toilet Break

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

"I resign Sire - I've landed my own show on Channel 4..."

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

"But you did not bow to his cuteness."

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'