Royal Court Humor Gifts

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

"That's kingsize?"

'I still think you're lucky -- sitting in the corner isn't much of a punishment for TREASON.'

Palanquin Toilet Break

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

"I resign Sire - I've landed my own show on Channel 4..."

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'

At 'Traffic Court' there's an 'Express Bench, 3 Violations or Less.'