Royal Court Humor Pillows

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

"It is not you. It is we."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'I still think you're lucky -- sitting in the corner isn't much of a punishment for TREASON.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

"That's kingsize?"

Palanquin Toilet Break

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

At 'Traffic Court' there's an 'Express Bench, 3 Violations or Less.'