Royal Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'You can do anything if you just put your mind to it. Look at me. I had to start out as a Prince and work my way up to King.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Put on a shirt - The Pope is coming to dinner'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'I'm beginning to worry -- He's putting all the tax revenue into traveler's checks!'

"I fear he's the bearer of bad news."

King reaching for an apple

"Talk to your mother? - You know I don't negotiate with terrorists!"

'You'd be worried, too, if YOUR mother-in-law got a seat on the Security Council.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

'You don't get all bent out of shape when LADY GODIVA does it!'

"No, I wasn't abused, but I cut off my father's head anyway."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Bad news, Sire -- the winner of your look-alike contest has been assassinated.'

'I sent those stupid U.S. military advisors home -- they said I should lose weight!'

'I can't believe you hired your National Security Advisor from Cratg's List!'

Palanquin Toilet Break

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'