Royal Humor Fan Pillows

"It is not you. It is we."

"Just the usual stuff - 17 bills and half a dozen death threats."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'What's the point of being king of the dogs if I still have to fetch his slippers?!'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

"He's a Prince Charles Spaniel."

Palanquin Toilet Break

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

Joke of a lover

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

"I'm making moatmeal. Do you want some?"

'I'm tired of foreign policy -- I think I'll go interfere in the economy for awhile.'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

Snail Red Carpet

'That's Lady Erica the courtesan's courtesan.'