Royal Humor Fan Pillows

"It is not you. It is we."

"Just the usual stuff - 17 bills and half a dozen death threats."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'What's the point of being king of the dogs if I still have to fetch his slippers?!'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

BRINGGGG!, 'I TOLD you to turn off your cell phone!'

'I'm afraid the only answer is a two-state solution.'

"He's a Prince Charles Spaniel."

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

Joke of a lover

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

Palanquin Toilet Break

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'Hey -- this guy says we can skip capitalism and go straight to state socialism!'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

"I'm making moatmeal. Do you want some?"

Snail Red Carpet