Royal Court Humorist Gifts

"But you did not bow to his cuteness."

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

"I resign Sire - I've landed my own show on Channel 4..."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"All rise."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

King and clown engage in role reversal.

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'I still think you're lucky -- sitting in the corner isn't much of a punishment for TREASON.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

Palanquin Toilet Break