Royal Family Humorist Gifts

The Queen's Speech

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"All rise."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

King and clown engage in role reversal.

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

"It is not you. It is we."

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'They're not available right now, Sire - All your economic advisors are working second jobs.'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'