Royal Court Comedic Gifts

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

Gary turns 40.

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'Timeout! ... Coaching change.'

'How bad is it?'

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

A barrister with his first brief

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'He's a little unpredictable, but with the right combination of medication and therapy, he can make an impact on this league.'

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

"Umm. . . Hello? I'm over here!"

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

'Yes Sir, we do believe 'the customer is king', but that doesn't give you the right to deduct a 'Peasant's Tax' from your bill!'

The Queen's Speech

'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'

"It is not you. It is we."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'Funny how his eyes seem to follow you around the room.'