Royal Justice Satirist Gifts

'I still think you're lucky -- sitting in the corner isn't much of a punishment for TREASON.'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'He started it!'

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"All rise."

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

Jury Room

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

'In accordance with the Patriot Act, we find the accused guilty of unspecified acts.'